5 years have gone by. And i`m back. x)

It went by way too fast. I`d learned so much these past few years. Met a ton of people, and gained a huge sum of experience. It wasnt enjoyable to say to least, but it was necessary for me to grow much stronger as an individual and as a person. I`d made a ton of mistakes that stirred up alot of emotions along the way. Friends came by and go, which made me realised thats actually no point in having one anymore. Everything that i wanted achieve across these five years was deemed as a failure one way or another. My grammer is actually so bad, please bare with me. The countless times i wanted to suicide was real. Probably over 50 times, especially during the dota period. Family actually means nothing to me now, and i`m only living because i have to. I use school and academics as an alternate way out from pain, but i still cry from time to time alone on my bed. I have no idea why i`m writing this despite knowing it`ll further fuck me up, but whatever. Didnt have the motivation to go into details, but its sad that i cant express myself well at all. I`m still hoping that one day, i can experience that boring office job that i`d been dreaming of since 16 years old. Where i have the same routine everyday and not think about anything else. I would no longer have to feel any pain, as i await my life to come to an end. LOL, i feel sorry for my body actually. : (. Oh shit, this post is more towards the disgusting side. I guess thats all for today uh and maybe i`ll come back 5 years later. xD